Rubber Duck
by AssbuttTrumpet
Summary: It's Dean's birthday, Castiel and Sam want it to be a day to remember, but what happens when not all goes to plan? Take a look through Cas and Dean's memories, could it be all they have left? Destiel - Fluffy and Angsty fic, enjoy!
1. Rubber Duck

Dean fluttered his eyes open, blinded by a bright light. He shielded his eyes from the overwhelming glow, the light dimmed down and there stood Castiel.

"What do you think you're doing?" Groaned a very weary Dean, "what could be so important that you'd have to disturb the little sleep that I actually get?"

"Well it's just that..." Cas was cut off mid sentence as Sam burst through door into the cramped motel room, knocking a fresh pie off the table. Sam fell on his mattress, out of breath.

"What's going on?" Dean snapped. The three of them sat in silence, all that could be heard was Sam's heavy breathing. Dean starred at Cas expecting a reply but Cas was expressionless. "Right, I'm out."

"Dean don't go out-" Cas stopped as Dean flung the door open. Cas quickly followed him outside to find Dean as still as a statue. Dean clenched his fists and closed his eyes, hoping to control his rage. He turned round slowly and faced the angel, looking at the floor rather than his friend. "if it's any consolation, it was Sam's idea..." Cas admitted.

"Do you think I _care_ who's idea it was?" Dean questioned.

"We just wanted you to be-"

"Happy, Cas? I'd be happy if you left me alone!" Dean shouted, and with that he walked away. Cas headed back to the motel room, Sam was cleaning up the mess on the floor, Cas walked straight past Sam and into the bathroom.

"Cas?" Sam called as he ran after him. Sam knocked out the door loudly to which he got no reply. "You've got to come out some time." Sam rolled his eyes and continued to clean up the broken pie.

Meanwhile in the bathroom Cas sat on the closed toilet seat and starred at the rubber duck on the edge of the bath, Cas smiled to himself as he remembered when he first began developing human traits. He remembered the time when he and Dean went shopping for the first time, yeah it was just a service station but it was special. He remembered seeing that rubber duck and asking Dean what it was, "I don't like the way it's looking at me" he'd say. Cas picked it up and walked out of the station with it. Dean didn't get mad when he found out, he laughed. Cas missed those days.

Cas stood up and looked into the mirror, he saw something trickle down his face, he watched as it glinted and made it's way down his cheek. Cas wiped it away and took a deep breath, he opened the door and walked out. Sam looked at him sympathetically. "He'll come back, he always comes back" Sam reassured, "you can make him another pie."

"I don't want to make another pie!" The angel yelled, Sam backed up. "I just want things back the way they were." Sam tried to look sympathetic.

"We'll get the Chevy back."

"I told you it was a bad idea." Cas spat, rolling his eyes.

"Everything will turn out, Cas. You and Dean..." The angel began to cry.

"You don't understand!" Cas screeched, "he'll never, love me..." Sam's eyes widened, he left Cas on his own to calm down. This was nothing major to Sam, but he'd never seen Cas like this... Before long the two of them were asleep, Cas tossed and turned in his sheets, he clung tightly to his teddy bear, the one Dean got for him. To Dean it was just a joke but to Cas, it was everything.


	2. Teddy Bear

A few weeks back it had been Christmas, something the Winchesters didn't celebrate often, but to Castiel it meant something. He had been there at the birth of Jesus and felt it was an important time.

"Happy Christmas, Dean" Cas smiled.

"Merry Christmas, Cas" Dean groaned, he didn't seem too enthusiastic, he didn't smile or even look at Cas. The angel frowned and made his way over to Sam.

"Merry Christmas, Sam" Cas chimed. Sam was asleep at the dinning table, if you could call it that. Cas poked Sam hoping he would wish him a merry Christmas but he was fast asleep. Dean walked past and looked weirdly at Cas.

"Why are you poking Sam?" Dean questioned, an eyebrow raised.

"He won't wake up"

"And?"

"It's Christmas, Dean"

"Who cares about Christmas?" Dean laughed. Cas ran out of their motel room, "Cas! I didn't mean that, I'm sorry!" Dean shouted, but it was too late. Sam was awoken by the sound of Dean's voice.

"What the hell man?" Sam yawned. Dean ignored his brother, he grabbed his coat and headed out the door. Dean made his way to the local store to look for his friend, he asked the cashier if he had passed through but had no luck. Dean put his head in his palms as he stepped towards the door. As he lifted his head he saw a Teddy bear wearing a blue tie, his eyes welled up. He held the tie between his finger and thumb as he stared at it. There he waited for a while, just looking at this stuffed toy. Eventually he picked the bear up and took it to the cashier.

Dean left the shop, it was now pouring with rain, Dean tucked the teddy bear under his jacket as he sprinted back to the motel. When he arrived Sam was sitting on his bed with his laptop, when he heard the door he placed his laptop to the side and stood up. "Where the hell have you been?" Sam asked.

"I just needed some air" Dean lied,

"So where's Cas?"

"I don't know" Dean muttered taking his eyes off Sam, Sam gave up and sat on his bed.

"I think I found a case-" Sam began,

"Go without me, I'm not up for it."

"What is up with you today?" Sam shook his head, Dean ignored him and walked in Cas' room. He stared at the bed for a moment, remembering the time a motel gave them a king sized bed and a sofa bed. He had to sleep in the double bed with Cas until the next day while Sam slept on the sofa bed. Cas needed sleep now that he was basically human, he was a loud snorer...

Dean placed the teddy bear on Cas' pillow when he heard the door open. He didn't know whether it was Sam leaving or Cas coming back, he listened for the sound Sam's laptop made when it was switched on. He could hear it, he could hear the sound, so either Cas was back or Sam had left his laptop on. Dean heard footsteps moving closer and closer. The door opened, "Dean"

"Cas, I..."

"No, I'm sorry Dean, I didn't get you a present" Cas smirked, looking over at the bear.

"It's just a joke, I saw it and thought it looked like you" Dean grinned hiding how he really felt. Cas always thought it was a joke, but it was just as special to Dean as it was to him.

The two of them hugged it out and carried on with their average day, but it was far from average and far from forgotten.


	3. Leave a message

Castiel woke up the day after Dean's birthday, he rubbed his eyes, slightly disorientated. He remembered the day before, his eyes opened as he realised what he and Sam had done and how they had hurt Dean. Cas closed his eyes and pulled his teddy bear close, he hadn't told Dean what he'd named it. His name was Blue, creative I know. Named after his bold blue tie that hung from his fury neck.

A tear escaped Cas' eye, he wiped it away quickly when he heard the thump of Sam's feet. The weary angel opened his eyes to see Sam squashing his belongings into his bag. Cas broke the silence. "Sam?" Sam turned around, startled. "Where are you going?" Cas' voice was soft and gentle.

"Cas, I-"

"Go" Cas replied, his lip trembling. Why was everyone leaving him? What had he done? Yeah he'd made some mistakes but his heart was always in the right place. Sam looked at Cas with sad eyes as he threw his bag over his shoulder and shuffled towards the door. Sam opened the door and left a piece of paper by the door. As Sam closed the door Cas burst into tears. There he stayed, sprawled across the bed, eventually he fell into a deep sleep. Cas felt dead inside, he felt worthless, could he not do anything right?

Meanwhile, Dean was at a motel three states over. He woke up at 11am to the sound of his door being opened. Dean frantically felt around for a weapon, keeping his eyes fixed on the door. He found a bottle of holy water and readied himself as a figure entered the room. Dean opened the bottle of water and threw it's contents over the figure only to be deafened by lethal screeching. "Sorry, sorry!" Dean apologized.

"What do you think you're doing?" the short plum woman yelled. It was housekeeping... Dean hesitated, expecting Sam to come up with a quick excuse, then he remembered.

"I thought... You were my friend!" Dean lied, "Just messing around" the woman narrowed her eyes and strutted out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Dean breathed a sigh of relief.

Dean threw the empty water bottle on the floor and hopped back into bed, but he didn't go back to sleep, he couldn't stop thinking about Sam and Cas, he had always been there to protect Sam, he'd dedicated years of his life to looking after him and practically brought him up. He knew Sam could cope on his own, but Dean was lost without him. But it wasn't just Sam, it was Cas. He knew that Cas wouldn't be able to cope on his own, unlike Sam. He knew that Cas would feel lost and alone. Yeah they'd messed up but he couldn't let it get to him, he had to put it behind him eventually.

Dean picked up his phone, he highlighted Cas' name, he hovered his thumb over the call button. Dean took a deep breath, and another, he closed his eyes and began to cry. He loosened his grip on the phone, it fell to the floor. As the phone hit the ground the call button was pressed.

Castiel's phone rang but he slept through the loud ringing, the phone went to voicemail.

Back at the motel Dean carried on crying, he started talking to himself. "Why me? Why is my life cursed? I'm always left to tidy up the mess, I always have to be strong and carry the load. I can't take it anymore!" He roared as he knocked a vase of flowers off the side table "Why am I always the baby sitter? I'm tired of this life." He sobbed, wiping his eyes. The answer phone cut off, sending everything Dean had just said to Cas' answer machine. Dean cried himself to sleep, even though it was now midday.


	4. Simple Coincidence

Eventually Castiel woke up, he picked up the phone that had been left on the floor. Cas still didn't know how to work the thing, whenever he did use it he always had Sam or Dean there to help him. It wasn't like he could call Sam to ask him how to use the phone because that's what Cas was trying to find out in the first place. The confused angel analysed the metal device, he tried pressing all of the buttons and eventually one worked. The screen lit up and Cas could see a photo of him and Dean set as his screensaver. Cas bit his lip as he swiped the screen in the hopes to get rid of the photograph. The photograph vanished, leaving a menu. Cas looked at the many icons on screen and saw that one of them had a number 1 next to it. Curiously, he clicked the icon to reveal a missed call from Dean, Castiel's eyes widened as he saw the time of the call, he had been asleep... A single tear escaped Cas' eye. Then to his surprise Cas saw an alert telling him that he had a _voicemail,_ whatever then hell that was. Cas called his voicemail.

"Welcome to three voicemail" a voice began "You have one new message." Suddenly Dean's voice came through.

"Why me? Why is my life cursed? I'm always left to tidy up the mess, I always have to be strong and carry the load. I can't take it anymore!" The voice began, Cas' lip trembled as he tried his hardest to hold back the tears. Why am I always the baby sitter? I'm tired of this life." Dean finished, Cas buried his head in his pillow as he wept uncontrollably. There was nothing he could do, it was a struggle just trying to listen to his voicemail, how was he supposed to call Dean? Did he even want to call Dean? What would he say?

When Cas finally stopped crying he threw his trench coat on and decided to hit the road. Cas walked down a long and empty road, he didn't know where he was going or what he was doing. Castiel the hitchhiker, who'd of thought? A truck was heading down the road, Cas stopped and stared at the truck, it looked oddly familiar. The truck slowed down and parked up next to Cas.

"What ya waiting for?" A voice rang out.

"Bobby?" Cas was in disbelief.

"Course it's me! Now get in the darn truck ya idjit." And with that the angel jumped in the truck. Cas was still a little weary, Bobby was dead, he was sent to hell before the brothers sent his soul to heaven, why was he still here? More importantly, how was he driving?

"So..." Cas began.

"Don't act all soft with me, I know what's happened."

"You do?"

"Course I do, I know everything" Bobby had a smug smile on his face.

"Have you seen Dean or Sam?" Cas questioned. Bobby paused for a moment, his expression fading.

"No, not yet..." Bobby admitted. "I don't know where they are, it's only by coincidence that I found you. Could spot that trench coat a mile away." Bobby joked.

"Dean sent me a voicemail, I didn't know how to call him" Cas owned up. Bobby raised his eyebrows, eyes still fixed firmly on the road. "Should we call him?" Cas asked.

"If you want, what you gonna say? You're with Bobby and you're perfectly safe, doubt he'll believe that." from this point on the two of them sat in silence, heading down the long road into the middle of nowhere.


	5. Level up

Night fell quickly so Cas and Bobby found a motel to stay at. Bobby fell fast asleep as soon as he got into bed, whereas Cas couldn't sleep a blink. Cas had had plenty of sleep back at their old motel and besides, he couldn't stop thinking about Dean. Cas was worried about Dean, he knew he could take care of himself but what if he let his guard down whilst being so emotional? Cas put his head down on the fluffy pillow, he still had his teady bear with him of course. Cas looked up at the ceiling and eventually fell asleep.

The next day Sam had found Charlie in the hopes of finding Dean, she was happy to see him yet very surprised.

"How the hell did you find me, _again_?" Charlie roared, "You can find me, but not your own brother?" She gasped.

"Well, he..."

"I'll help you, of course, but what's this all about?"

"Long story." Sam said quickly. Charlie rolled her eyes and invited Sam in. She had her own apartment, somewhere new.

"It's not much, but it's home" Charlie switched on the light to reveal a room covered in posters and vynals, in the middle of the room there was a bed, and in the corner of there room stood a desk, Charlie's laptop placed upon it. Sam gazed at the room in awe, Charlie giggled as she sat down at her desk. When she opened her laptop a dating website appeared on load up, she quickly closed it down and blushed slightly, not looking at Sam as she knew he would only laugh. Sam was smirking, he never could quite get his head around Charlie. "Here you go" Charlie turned the laptop to face Sam.

"That's no good, that's the hotel we were at when we were together!"

"Well, Sam that's the best I can do. I guess you're right, he isn't the _easiest _to find." Charlie sighed as she slammed her laptop closed. Suddenly Charlie burst into life "But I know someone who _can _find him!" Charlie yelled with excitement. Charlie took hold of Sam's arm and ran towards the door.

"Where are you taking me?" Sam demanded.

"You'll see when we get there!" Charlie joked.

Back at the motel Cas and Bobby were waking up. Cas put his trench coat on as Bobby took a swig from his flask. "Where to next" Bobby questioned. Cas shrugged his shoulders and walked out of the door. when Bobby stepped out Cas was already sat motionless in the truck. Bobby hopped in and they headed down the road again.

Meanwhile Charlie and Sam had reached their destination, Sam looked at the old wooden house with an eyebrow raised. "Someone lives here?"

"Rude!" And with that Charlie gave him a shove. The pair walked in to be greeted by none other than Jo Harvelle. Sam stared at her gobsmacked.

"Look like you've just seen a ghost, oh wait." Jo laughed. Sam didn't say a word, he didn't even blink. Behind Jo was Ellen Harvelle working at the bar.

"Charlie! Good to see you." Ellen walked over "Sam..." Sam looked at her confusedly, why was she here? "Make yourselves at home." Ellen walked back to the bar. Charlie and Sam sat down, this was all a little too much for Sam, then Ash entered The room. He waved at Sam and Charlie like it was normal, but Sam really couldn't take it in. Sam was urged to throw everything at them: Silver, borax, holy water. It couldn't be them! He watched Ellen and Jo die, he saw Ash up in heaven; so what was going on?


	6. Down and Blue

Sam looked uncomfortable, Charlie tapped him on the shoulder, "Hey, are you okay?" Charlie asked. Sam didn't say a word he just turned to look at Charlie with hard eyes, hard but scared. "Something's wrong Sam, tell me" she demanded, but still Sam's lips were motionless.

Sam looked up to find Ellen staring at him from the bar, as soon him he looked up she turned away. Sam decided to see Ellen, he stood up and walked over to the bar. He stood there while Ellen was cleaning. Ellen worked her way along the work desk before she bumped into Sam, she looked up to find his stern expression. Her smile faded as she looked into Sam's eyes.

"What happened to you, boy?" She muttered to herself as she threw her arms around The tall man. Sam was a little surprised but eventually embraced the hug. "Where've you boys been? I Haven't seen you in so long!" Ellen beamed, her eyes wellng up.

"It's sort of a long story..." Sam confessed, "we're actually here because we're looking for Dean."

"Oh I see, you gonna talk to Ash?"

"Yeah" Sam turned around a placed a foot forward but quickly turned around, "Ellen... How is it you're here? All of you?"

Ellen sighed and said, "We honestly don't know."

Sam walked over to where he had been sitting with Charlie, Ash was now sitting comfortably in Sam's place. "Ya snooze ya lose" Ash winked. Sam smirked and sat down opposite them. "Right there, got him" Ash declared. Sam leaped out of his chair as he went to see for himself.

"Come on, we've got to go before he leaves!" Sam told Charlie as he sprinted towards the door, "Thanks, Ash!" he yelled. Charlie followed behind quickly as Ash waved them out.

At this time Bobby and Cas were stopping up for some gas."Get some pie" Cas reminded Bobby, "Dean loves pie."

"Do ya not think I know that?" Bobby raised his eyebrows at Castiel.

Cas looked at his tie, he liked it when Dean fixed his tie for him. Cas remembered making Dean that pie for his birthday, before it fell of the table anyway. Cas didn't wear an apron and he left his tie on, so somewhere along the way he managed to rip his tie and get it stuck in the pie. Cas wasn't very good at making pie, but the end result was good. Cas remembered, the morning of Dean's birthday when he had to quickly change his tie. It was scruffy, he wanted Dean to fix it, he never did get the chance to ask him. His tie was still scruffy, but the only person who could do it right was Dean.

Bobby got back in the truck. "Did you get the pie" Cas nagged.

"Balls!" Bobby shouted, opening the truck door once more, Castiel smiled to himself, he missed Bobby, it was always comical to see him keeping the boys in line. Bobby got back in the truck holding a bag full of a variety of pies. Cas peared in and nodded his head With approval.

"Bobby, I was thinking, do you think we should look for a case?" The angel suggested.

"A case? What about Dean? Or have you given up on that?"

"No, no! I mean, maybe if we found a case, we'd find Dean?" Cas explained. Bobby looked surprised yet pleased.

"Good one Cas, you're not as dumb as you look." Bobby chuckled, driving out of the station. Cas felt his face while looking in the mirror, he shrugged it off as he watched the scenery go by. Down the road they continued.


	7. A Little Laughter

Sam and Charlie arrived at the motel that Dean was supposedly staying at. They had a look around, Sam saw the car that he had replaced the impala with parked up. Dean had taken it despite his hatred for it, better than no car at least. "Look, over there" Charlie whispered to Sam.

Sam turned around to see his brother leaving his motel room. Sam's mouth dropped open as he stood there gobsmacked, "Dean!" He shouted. Dean lifted his head and was shocked when his saw his little brother staring back at him.

"Sam?" Dean was surprised, "How the hell did you find m-" Dean cut himself short when he noticed the red head stranding proudly next to Sam. "Charlie? I should of known..." Dean let his voice trail off.

"Actually, I had some help" Charlie noted.

"Help? Who from? There's no one better than y-"

"His name's Ash. Believe me, he is the best." Charlie interrupted.

"Ash?" Dean looked at Sam, Sam nodded. The three of them stood in silence for a moment. "What the hell, man..." Dean started pacing, "So what are we gonna do now Sam? Apologise and pretend it never happened?" Dean finally brought up what was on everyone's mind. "Cause I'm pretty sure it ain't that easy."

"Dean, I-"

"I know you're sorry, I don't want your worthless apology." Dean ranted, he then calmed down and took a breath. "I just want my damn car." Dean's eyes were watering and his lip was trembling. Charlie was now biting the sides of her mouth as she tried not to erupt with laughter. Sam nudged her with a harsh look, she soon died down.

"I'll get the car back" Sam put a hand on Dean's shoulder, "Case?"

"Case" Dean replied.

Meanwhile, Cas and Bobby were not far from the others, only about 5 miLes away.

"Bobby, do you think we'll ever find Dean?" the angel questioned.

"Course we will, bet we ain't far now." Bobby comforted.

Cas stared at the road ahead of him, he didn't get to ride shotgun often. He would usually only get to sit in the front seat if Sam wasn't around. Cas remembered a time when he got to ride in the front even though Sam was with them. Sam had to sit in the back seat, but was a bit too big. Dean went along with it, just to see Sam squashed into the back seat, unable to move.

Dean turned the radio up as he blasted Led Zeplin through the speakers. "Turn it down" said Cas as bashed random buttons, hoping that one of them would turn the music down. A piece of classical music came on, Dean pulled a face and put his music back on. Cas pressed the buttons again, he and Dean took turns at pushing the buttons, trying to get what they wanted on. They eventually ended up wrestling each other while the car steered madly out of control. Sam was in the back seat trying to control them but he could barely move in the cramped space, neither could he hear his own voice over the radio. Eventually they pulled over and Sam forced the two of them to sit in the back seat together. They sat with there arms crossed the whole way.

Cas let out a small snicker, Bobby looked at him awkwardly. Bobby never could tell what Cas was thinking.

Night fell and they were driving through a cemetery, hoping to find Dean burning some bones. "Over there!" Cas yelled excitedly. Bobby quickly turned the truck around Gand headed towards the glow in the distance. They caught up to the burning light to find three people stood over a grave. "Dean?" Cas could only see their outlines. One of them turned around and threw holy water all over Cas as he did so, but who was it?


End file.
